26. May 2030 - 4:00
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John's Super Cool Funeral | Raleigh, North Dakota | Sunday, 26. May 2030

Is he dead? Probably not. Modern science currently has no evidence to support that John is even capable of death. If nothing else, we can only hope that he is far far away and will never return. Perhaps he's hiding in his private sea lab at the bottom of the ocean with Donovan that he built with that $20 we leant him that he never repaid. Perhaps he's metamorphosized into an angry plant of some fashion. Perhaps he's ascended to a higher echelon of existence and finally has the wisdom and experience necessary to challenge the throne of our false and oppressive god. It's really anybody's guess.

The service will be at the Chipotle/Taco Bell in Raleigh, ND at 4am.
Gifts are mandatory.
Everybody must wear monocles ON BOTH EYES!!!!
There is an open bar but all drinks are double priced and room temperature.
We'll be passing around the collection plate about 4 times so plan accordingly.
Also, bring an accordion.
Also, there'll be a lot of scorpions. If you have an allergy, wear a sort of bee-proof suit but for scorpions.

No flash photography, please.